Who, Me? American? No Way, Eh!?
I am proud to be an American. I know from my travels that, despite all our complaining in this country, we have it damn good, and I give thanks for my life daily.
But, when I'm on the road, my citizenship is another issue altogether. Nothing is worse when traveling abroad than appearing like the cliché American tourist—being loud, wearing shorts and socks, large camera around your neck and guidebook in hand. When I was going to school in Europe as a teenager, I was thrilled when strangers assumed I was French, even though I didn't speak a word of it. Back then, appearing American was more of an embarrassment than anything. Today, it can be life-threatening.
Sure, the chances of being bombed, kidnapped, or anything terrorist-related when traveling abroad today are less than being struck by lightning. But there is still a chance. Americans are targets—targets for theft, targets in political games, targets for harassment. Our public image is one equally hated and loved, wherever you go across the globe, and while it's good to be proud of your citizenship, I'm here to say there's no shame in hiding it when traveling to foreign lands.
You've all heard the road stories—a family member whose backpack got stolen on a train, or wallet got picked in a nightclub. A friend who bore the taunts of swarthy locals who believed "American women are easy." The Balinese bar bombing that left more than 200 people dead—most of them tourists. I had stood in that bar just two years earlier. There weren't just Americans there—but we made our stamp well enough known there that the place was a target. And, but for luck and timing, there could I have gone, as well. I always seek out the untouristed spots when traveling, but sometimes you still end up at them. And whether you're the only American around, or surrounded by hundreds of others, when you're in a foreign country, you're a target for unwanted energy or action if you draw attention to yourself—especially stereotypical American attention.
So, perhaps you're saying to yourself, "How can I NOT appear American? I'm pale and blonde, I don't speak any foreign languages, my shoes are Nikes, and my passport has an Eagle on it. I can't fight who I am." True, but there's many ways to appear less-American than you might think. How?
- 1) God Bless the Maple Leaves—No one has a beef with Canadians! And, to a foreigner, we sound exactly alike. So, slap a Canadian maple leaf or flag on your daily backpack—either a sticker or a patch. It's the quickest way to fool anyone who might want to mess with you just because of your otherwise-assumed American-ness.
- 2) Speaking of Backpacks—Leave the ugly ones at home. Ditto for the fanny paks you get in travel stores. And "travel purses". I'm a fan of convenient carrying cases—but there's lots of stylish ones out there that look like something the locals might use going to the office, rather than something you'd use if hiking in the mountains. Big bags with lots of pockets, in fun prints and colors, are all the rage right now, and are extremely functional, as well. Plan ahead so you have a bag big enough to carry your stuff during the day, but not so huge as to be uncomfortable and draw attention to yourself. Ladies, also have a purse stylish enough for evenings that isn't bulky to pack.
- 3) Hide the book—I'm as guilty of it as the rest of you…digging out the travel guide in the middle of the crowded sidewalk or train…the one with the big lettering on the front saying "Europe on the Cheap", with pictures of the Eiffel Tower, Big Ben, and every other recognizable landmark you can possibly fit on an obnoxiously bright orange book cover. You're just screaming "tourist" with this. But I certainly don't expect you to do without a guidebook altogether.
Instead, get a cover for your book. Most bookstores carry reusable cloth covers with zippers and handles that will fit over various sizes of books. If you can't find one that fits, then make your own out of a paper garbage bag, like you did with your schoolbooks when you were a kid. And if you don't want the bulkiness of the book, rip pages out to take with you as you go along. Just be sure to put them back later, or you'll never make sense of your guidebook again.
- 4) Just Call Me Ansel…Not—No one loves a great trip photo more than me. My hallway at home is lined with them—stunning pictures of people and places visited along my travels. In many cases, it's all you have to remember a journey by. But, unless you're Ansel Adams, please, leave the Minolta 32,000VXUI Super TelePhoto with Amber, Citron, and Paisley filters at home! If you're a really great photographer, all you need is your eye—you can take a great photo with any camera. Modern technology has given us smaller cameras, with better quality resolution, than we've ever had before—with even the capability to take small video clips, all with the same "still" camera. You can easily hide these cameras in small pockets and purses, which is way more convenient than a bulky camera case or large, "professional" camera draped around your neck all day. And, if you still insist on bringing that big, heavy thing with you, click on my "Travel Shots" page—every single pic there was taken with a tiny, automatic pocket zoom camera.
- 5) Find a Driver—Before heading out the door of your hotel the first night, ask your desk clerk how much it should cost to get where you're headed via taxi. Taxi drivers LOVE to take advantage of clueless Americans—sometimes overcharging by two, three, or four times what a route should cost. And, unless you know better, it's easy to get taken. So ask your hotel to arrange a reliable driver for you; negotiate the price before driving off in their car (or ask what it will cost); if the price seems fair, according to what you know, and the ride goes well, ask for that driver's card and ask him if you could perhaps hire him for the day, maybe to explore the island, or head to shopping havens. It's so much easier than having to continually find a new cab every time you go somewhere. If you just need to be picked up at night, call the driver and arrange this ahead of time; most drivers these days have cell phones for just such business. If the hotel isn't any help in finding the right driver for you (sometimes, hotel personnel are part of the scam racket, too, unfortunately), then talk to every driver whose cab you get into. Strike up a conversation, ask for advice, say a few words in their language. If they seem fair, get their number—if they liked you, they will help you out during your stay. This advice has never failed me, and, in fact, has led to some of the best (and least expensive) off-the-beaten-path traveling I have done in many places—while my more scared and less adventurous travel companions stayed back at the hotel, and paid double for their cab ride to Pizza Hut.
- 6) USA Today—I remember a time when USA Today didn't exist. News from home was scarce, and any tidbit from fellow travelers was a morsel to be savored. Nowadays, with the internet and CNN, English-language news is everywhere. But, in some places, still all you have to count on is a USA Today newspaper, sold in newsstands across the globe. If you're craving the homeland, by all means, grab this paper…but don't spread out the pages at the local coffee shop. Read it in your hotel room, and throw it away in the lobby (not your room) when you're done; keeping your hotel room a citizenship-free space may save your belongings from presumptuous maids with sticky fingers.
- 7) Clothes Make the Man (or Woman)—Nothing says "American" more than our love of baseball caps, shorts and t-shirts, and socks with jogging shoes. In Europe, shorts are for the gym, socks are for grandparents, and baseball caps…are for baseball. In America. Hey, I know these items are comfortable and functional, but there's just as many comfortable and functional clothing options out there that won't scream "tourist". Try long, loose pants, sarongs, or skirts with a wide-brimmed, packable hat in hot weather—you might be surprised at how cool all are. Try less-bulky "footie" socks that are invisible with gym shoes. And, if you happen to bring a t-shirt that reads "Nothing says lucky like Kentucky," with you, give it as a gift to a helpful local you meet along the way. They might resent YOU wearing such a shirt—but, on them, a genuine piece of Americana is entirely other story. Let them risk wearing it. You've got a kimono to wear back to Canada.
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